Over the weekend, I received an email from a wife whose husband had requested some “space and difference.” In the wife’s mind, this request was probably the precursor to divorce. The wife understandably feared that if she went back and gave her husband the space he was requesting, he would only wander further away. However, she intuitively knew that giving her husband some distance might be the only way to truly save the relationship and begin to rebuild. He asked me if it was possible to save his marriage by giving his spouse the space he said he wanted. I firmly believe that it can. In fact, I saw this happen in my own life and in my own marriage. I will discuss more about this matter in the next article.
Give your partner space to eventually bring him closer to you: It is human nature to hold on or pull when you sense or suspect someone is running away. And it’s also completely normal to worry that if they spend any time away from you, they will find that they enjoy the time out and may not want to come back. Both of these things can weigh heavily on you and make backtracking seem risky.
However, giving space is a strategic move that makes sense on many levels. First of all, you often won’t have much of a choice with this. Many times, it comes down to the fact that you are voluntarily giving up the space or just taking it away and leaving. But, if you give it willingly, you maintain some control over the situation, which is what you want.
And, by attending to their request with dignity and painting yourself as someone who loves them and therefore wants to help them be happy and get what they want, you are putting yourself in a much better position than if you became their adversary and painted. yourself as the person who stands in your way. If you play it correctly, you have set it up so that when they think of you while taking their time, it is with positive emotions rather than negative ones. Not only that, but they will not find the need to be watched around you or to protect their contact with you because they know that you are opposing them.
No, you don’t necessarily have to pretend to be happy about this. They probably know that you are reluctant to this whole situation and wish things were different. But make sure they know that even though this was not your choice, you are doing it because it was their request, because you love them, and because you are sure that they will come back to you once they have taken the time. what do you need.
And it can also help to have a strategy for how you are going to spend your time outside and introduce yourself when the two of you interact. You want them to know that you too are taking advantage of the distance and doing your own soul searching and having your own experiences. You don’t want them to know that you are home, depressed and possibly paralyzed with fear. Get together with friends and live the experiences that will make this as bearable as possible.
My own experience giving my husband space (and how he ultimately saved the marriage). Stepping aside was not my choice. In fact, I initially held on a lot and this really hurt my cause. It just annoyed my husband and made me look desperate and weak. I wish I hadn’t given in to fear, but I did. It was only after I had completely screwed up everything and my husband wasn’t even talking to me that I gave him space (although I didn’t intend to do this at the time).
I went back to my hometown and spent time with friends because I didn’t know what else to do. I thought if he was out, he wouldn’t mess things up anymore, or if he did, at least he wouldn’t see this. I spent a lot of time with mutual friends, and at the time, I had no intention of being affected by this. When I got back, he was the one who started calling me. I must admit that there was no master plan for this. It wasn’t any strategy of mine. I had almost given up. But, it seemed like he had accidentally stumbled upon which finally got us talking again.
Once I backed off, I think he was curious as to why my tone had changed. And once she found out that she had dated mutual friends, her interest seemed to grow. I decided this change was worth pursuing, so I kept moving slowly and let the distance work for me rather than against me.
Since then I have learned that my situation is no exception. Actually, this happens quite a bit. Once you start to stop pushing, your spouse no longer feels the need to walk away and often starts to get curious. Ultimately, sometimes they even start chasing you, which puts you at a distinct advantage. I know that giving your spouse space can seem scary. But often, it is the strategy that, if played correctly, works the most.