Most boys and girls enter puberty around 11-12 years! In a couple of years, they become capable of having a physical relationship. But our religious and social norms do not allow sex before marriage. I’m sure most of the people reading this article are adults and they know that controlling physical desire for a long period of time is next to impossible. I talk to many parents and they are all very concerned about the future of their offspring, especially in case it is a girl here in India. Many parents have given up and ask their children to have at least one safe relationship. This is one of the biggest concerns on parents’ minds and is rarely discussed publicly.
There is a basic problem with the idea of sex education. The first attempts at sex education were limited to teachers explaining the scientific details of sexual intercourse. In my opinion, that is beside the point. Any smart kid can find out by talking to a friend or reading. What they need to be told are the social and physical implications of the act and truly hope for the best. In India, the age of marriage for a girl is 18 years and a boy 21 years. I am from a different generation and I was told that the ideal age to marry is 25 for boys and 21 for girls. But there are many families in India who marry their daughter around the age of 15. For the most part, they do not know the law. But even if they were, there wouldn’t be much of a difference. The reason behind this is more social in most cases. Society has miserably failed to make the parents of girls feel secure about their daughter’s future. The lowest income class is the victim in these situations. What may be considered stupid by teenagers can be a huge turning point in a girl’s future.
But what can someone do to stop short-term or one-time physical relationships? Truth is nothing but hope, unless you want to go back to the days of kings and queens. Well, here are some things you can try to explain to your offspring:
1. The body of a typical adolescent boy or girl takes between 6 and 10 years to fully develop. They are not mature during this period and their likes and dislikes change. Explain this by telling them that their choice of partner could change within the period. The things you liked about a person will change over the years, so committing yourself so early can be a mistake. It is wise to wait until you are fully grown to commit to a long-term commitment. It’s like not eating before the full dinner is ready. Pamper your appetite.
2. Young people are generally bad at assessing potential threats. That is why resisting temptation is very difficult for most young people. They are prone to taking undue risks without considering the consequences. An early engagement will make them consider experimenting with sex. It is not just desire, but lack of experience that forces young people to be victims of it. It takes time to get used to the newfound skill.
3. Most young people are not in a position to take responsibility for the relationship. Sometimes it can be a good idea to make it clear to them. A child outside of that relationship will be so difficult to raise since the parents themselves are children. Financial dependence on parents will not allow children to support their spouse for a period of time. And by the time they are independent, they may have had the best years of their lives.
4. Being able to distinguish between infatuation and real love requires maturity. It’s a fact that most teen romances don’t last. The rush of hormones is misinterpreted as love. If it was a true love, it never fails or fades over time. So there is no problem in waiting until you are mature enough, right?
Parents are generally the closest to young people up to a certain age, but sweet youngsters get rebellious as teenagers and the tendency is not to listen to good advice from a sensitive parent. This is where a good faith in “Mom or Dad knows best” would really go a long way.
Of course, all of this is assuming that a physical relationship as a teenager is not good. If you become a man or a woman at 12, what are you supposed to do until you get married at 25? A very fundamental question and I honestly don’t know the answer. Early marriage, maybe 21 for boys and 18 for girls? I do not know. There is a plethora of young people who will oppose this. They will say that they are not ready at that age because they have just finished their education, much less earn enough to support their new family. Or do we make some social adjustments and accept premarital relationships? Well I’m pretty sure we’re not ready for the second solution. An early marriage, why not? Marriage at a young age doesn’t have to be a big responsibility alone, it could be fun with a couple as young as you and one may share some common likes and dislikes. It could also be very rewarding.