This is one of the hardest things you will ever do. The difficulty depends on how long you were in the dysfunctional relationship, the extent of your partner’s dysfunction, and how much of your self-esteem they may have eroded. If you want to leave a dysfunctional relationship but are confused because of all the emotional turmoil your dysfunctional partner has created in you, then you have come to the right place.
1. Decide. I cannot overemphasize this starting point. This must come from you; well-intentioned friends can’t do it for you. You need to get to the point in your relationship where you decide you can’t live like this anymore. It cannot be a half-hearted decision, otherwise you will simply fall back into the relationship. You need to get a vision of what you want from a relationship and clearly list the shortcomings of this dysfunctional relationship. What are the advantages of your dysfunctional relationship? What are the disadvantages? Are you absolutely sure that you can’t live with the disadvantages to enjoy the advantages? You can’t walk away from a dysfunctional relationship until you’re absolutely sure.
2. Make a clean break. Do not stay another day once you have decided… and leave physically! If possible, move to another area, but if that’s not possible, cut all ties with your dysfunctional partner. If you have been with them for a long time they will know which buttons to press and you should not give them that opportunity. Keep in mind the kind of relationship you want for yourself as a constant reminder when you feel weak and want to get back together with your dysfunctional partner. Remember that you are partial to their dysfunctions as you have learned to live with them.
3. Cry. Everyone thinks you should be glad to be free, but you’re not. As dysfunctional as your partner was, you loved them and you remember the few good times you had, so you mourn what you’ve lost and the things you allowed them to do to you. Don’t pretend it’s okay; it’s not right and if you feel down let your emotions take their course. Don’t get stuck at this stage, but don’t rush. You will know when the cloud begins to lift. Stay connected to your normal life during this period as being involved in life will help you to continue living and getting out of bed.
4. Heal. Don’t rush into a new relationship, but heal from what has happened. Take an honest look at yourself and see how the dysfunctional relationship changed you. If you no longer trust your decisions, you need to learn to trust yourself again or seek professional help for it. It is unlikely that you have come out of a dysfunctional relationship unscathed and you need to identify the wounds you carry as a result. And you don’t just have to identify the wounds; you must find a way to cure them. Do not carry these wounds into another relationship as the responsibility to heal is yours alone; don’t expect a new partner to do it for you. If it doesn’t heal, you are likely to attract another dysfunctional partner. Dysfunctional people have the ability to spot damaged people that they can take advantage of. Do you want this to be the story of your life?
Walking away from a dysfunctional relationship takes great emotional strength, but you have to accept it and find a way to repair the damage caused by the dysfunction.