Grief is the internal response to loss, sadness, pain, and pain that seems to never end. Grief is all those things and more that are public and shared with others. The morning is healthy. Grief without grieving brings a lot of additional pain and unnecessary suffering, which often manifests itself intensely on vacation.
The “year of the firsts,” the first Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, anniversaries, birthdays, reunions, the first thing without a loved one, are often made even worse when mourners fail to assert themselves. what they can and cannot do at all times. of the former Here are several considerations to make it easier to honor yourself and your loved one at these important times.
1. Let your family and/or friends know what you can and cannot do. As the primary mourner, make your needs known to all concerned. If necessary, get everyone together at your house well before the holiday and tell them how you feel about how you want to celebrate this holiday. Discuss what can be added to or removed from the regular celebration.
If the event is normally held at your home, you may want to eat out, have someone else celebrate this year, or have others take on more responsibilities to take the load off your shoulders. It’s okay to say no, and as your complaint changes over time, you can assume previous responsibilities or make additional changes.
2. You don’t have to do it the way it’s always been done. Traditions can change, even if they are many years old. You can even start a new tradition. Whatever you feel will be the hardest part of the holiday for you can be modified, held at a different time, or set aside for this year. Do what you feel will reduce unnecessary stress and sadness. Anything left out one year can always be made up the next. Let your faith be your guide and use it for the strength it provides.
3. There is nothing wrong with reducing the time you spend at events. Regardless of what others in your family are doing, before each party or celebration, let all concerned know what their level of involvement will be. Only you know what your energy level is and what your resources can handle without undue strain. Feel free to say that you will be leaving early, not participating in one or more aspects of the celebration, leaving or arriving later at the event.
4. Be sure to symbolically honor your deceased loved one. Get in the habit of acknowledging your loved one’s memory at any important family event. Light a candle, make a toast, display a photo or photo album, eat the deceased’s favorite dessert or food, say a prayer, show or give something you have created, place a flower in a special place on the table, or leave a space at the table empty (have everyone sit in different places). And, it’s okay if the tears flow. It’s normal, normal, normal.
Forget perfect. The ideal or perfect holiday celebration rarely exists. Don’t risk anticipating perfection. At the same time, don’t let your anticipation tell you that the whole scene will be a major source of angst. Diligently manage your anticipation. Keep things simple and focus on your loved one’s values, beliefs, joy, and wisdom. Give yourself a gift from your loved one and remember that laughter and smiles are still important parts of life.
Finally, here are nine statements to help you develop a plan for the holidays and celebrations. Advanced planning is essential. Fill in each open space. Write everything you need.
my vacation plan
1. I think the hardest part of the next vacation will be: ___________________.
2. I think the most difficult people for me will be: _____________________.
3. The most comforting thought about the upcoming vacation is: ______________________.
4. The people I think will help me the most are: _________________________.
5. The words I really need to hear this Christmas season are: ________________________.
6. I will celebrate the memory of my loved one on this holiday by: _________________.
7. I will tell my family/friends what I can and cannot do on vacation to: __________.
8. I will reorganize my participation in the festivities to: __________________________.
9. To carry out my plan, the first thing I will do is: ____________________.
Share your plan, if and when appropriate. With everyone’s help and cooperation, you and all your family and friends can get through special days and celebrate a life lived.