Pam, an attractive woman in her mid-forties, told me that she had never had a problem with sexual arousal and orgasm. She started masturbating at the age of eight and after thirty years with the same man, she was still enjoying orgasmic sex as she had from day one.
Sexual arousal and orgasm for women are not automatic for anatomical reasons, at least the clitoris is not directly stimulated during intercourse. So it’s hard to know how to respond to someone who suggests that fantasy sex is a reality for them. The implication is that the rest of us have gone wrong somewhere!
In an attempt to identify some details of her sexual experiences, I asked Pam when she orgasmed. She responded that the moment of her orgasm was “a soulful feast” and that she could orgasm before, during, or after intercourse.
“Even Sharon Stone admits that she did the women in ‘Basic Instinct’ a disservice by suggesting they could orgasm in about 30 seconds. That’s not how the female body works, and anyone who suggests otherwise is a good actress, fooled or blessed by the gods.” (p17 Bluffer’s Guide for Women 1998)
Are these women bluffing or just incredibly lucky? If this approach works for you, definitely stick with it!
Fantasy sex where orgasms just happen
I was interested in finding out more details to find parallels with other women’s experiences. However, Pam herself replied that sex was not a subject that she could discuss. She suggested that orgasms occurred naturally, that they flowed from the passion of the sexual act.
Unfortunately, people get away with spouting nonsense about sex just because no one questions the common sense of their claims. For example, eight-year-old girls may innocently touch their genitals, but this is very different from the type of adult sexual activity that leads to orgasm. Since many women never experience actual female orgasms, they can brag and be fooled with surprising ease.
I asked Pam if she had continued to masturbate. She responded that masturbation was “a sneeze” compared to the orgasms she enjoyed with her partner. Men continue to masturbate throughout their lives, but women often imply that the emotional rewards of intercourse supersede any need to masturbate.
We all draw different conclusions from the interpretation of our sexual experiences. After thirty years of relationship, Pam told me that she couldn’t remember a single serious argument. She and her partner argued endlessly over trivial matters, but never quarreled over anything serious (even though they had raised children together).
This experience is so different from mine, or other couples I’ve observed, that it’s easy to be cynical. Maybe Pam’s idea of bickering was my idea of full-scale war. However, let’s be generous and admit that anything is possible, even the ‘perfect’ couple. One explanation for this anomaly could be that the couple makes little demands on each other.
Presumably, for a lucky few, erotic stories describing the overwhelming sexual arousal fictional women experience with vaginal penetration are a reality. For the rest of us, these stories remain in the realm of fiction, frankly unattainable.